Rumours of Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, the stage was all set
But nothing was certain, twas not real yet
Just angels and prophesy, stars in the sky
A birth that was imminent, a longed for first cry.

Twas the night before Christmas and Bethlehem stirred
Rumours of angelic voices were heard
Already so crowded, the town paused and waited
Uncertain bout quite what they anticipated.

Twas the night before Christmas, a star overhead
A young girl in labour, a crude, makeshift bed
Shepherds drew nearer, wise men on their way
What a strange, muddled scene for that first Christmas day.

It's the last week of advent, the tree has been dressed
the last countdown begins and we may feel stressed
But what of the message of Christmas, is that
Just a long ago rumour, has it gotten "old hat"?

Is the Jesus of Christmas a fact, is he real?
When you join in the carols, what is it you feel?
With the anticipation, the build up, the hype
What is the heart of your Christmas day like?

Does this Joy to the World touch your spirit and heart
Or is it just heresay of which you've no part?
Is it simply a story, an annual tale
A ritual we do every year without fail?

It's the week before Christmas and here you are
Were you told by an angel? Did you follow a star?
Will you pause at the stable, will you bow down before
the child in the manger, will you come and adore?

For it's not just a rumour and it never has been
What the prophets foretold became real, became seen
And of this please be certain, God has led you this way
For he wants to be real to you here today.

Karen Holmes
December 19th 2014

Little Certainties

My "little certainties" are not so small
in life where nothing stays the same at all.
My "little certainties" should not be mocked
for better they, than that my boat be rocked.
Would you have me to tread uncertain ground
Where unknown danger lurks and risks abound?
Far be it Lord that I should disagree
But "little certainties" sound good to me.

My "little certainties", my safety net
Have never let me down or failed me yet
Although I never venture far alone
Or take a step outside my comfort zone.
Familiar paths are all I ever tread
Would you, Lord, have me walk new ways instead?
You're asking me to walk in pastures new
And learn my only certainty is You.

How can I learn when I refuse to move?
My dependence upon you is hard to prove
surrounded by my comforts and possessions
how easy to presume I've learned life's lessons.
My life is safe in harbour - firmly moored
It won't go far, but safe it will remain
Yet in my mind I hear once more those words
"To live is Christ and yet to die is gain"

Karen Holmes
June 2010

Dancing

I did it Lord, I danced before you!
Well, more like a hop from foot to foot,
A slightly heavy lump of human untoned muscle
Jumping around without agility
But not without a sense of victory!

For years the great deceiver lied
Predicting failure before I even tried
to dance before my King.

Reminding me of age and shape
Confirming the very idea a mistake
"Dancing - you?" he laughed, he roared
and stopped me dancing for my Lord.

But not this time for something snapped
Some grim determination which before I lacked
Some sense of "You just watch me"

A shout!  A battle cry!
A sudden, fresh awakening as the cross was lifted high.

I did it Lord, I danced before you!
Well, more like a hop from foot to foot.
But you smiled, to took delight
In this most extraordinary sight

and I believe you took my hand
and spun me round and danced with me
to celebrate this victory!

Karen Holmes
Relating to September 10th 2006.

My Soul's Connections

Some people visit our lives for a while

Just passing by with a casual smile

Maybe a nod of their head or a chat

Just an encounter and no more than that

A few words together whilst waiting in queues

Discussing the weather or some recent news

A gesture, a kindness but nothing that lasts

A split second contact a moment soon past.

But others we meet in quite similar ways

Turn up in our lives and then sit down and stay

And most imperceptibly one day we feel

The friendship has grown, taken root, become real

These casual acquaintances somehow connect

with our soul in a way that we did not expect

For our souls speak a language beyond conscious speech

and communicate often beyond cognitive reach.

And I'd like to thank those whose souls speak with mine
in a language of love, a voice almost divine

We can try to define it, in words to express

But spoken words spoil it, make it smaller and less

I have learned as I've gone along simply to rest

With my soul's choice of loved ones, for then I am blessed

For I love you with all that I am and more yet

For my soul celebrated the day that we met.

Karen Holmes
14^th December 2014

The Master's Plan

Looking back in hindsight the picture seems so clear
Why did I ever worry, whatever did I fear?
I struggled with each move in case I overstepped the mark
The sun was hidden from my sight, I stumbled in the dark
I wandered round in circles, Felt the weight of every choice
I asked you for your guidance, fear crowded out your voice.

I struggled in my own strength, I tried to take control
I felt that it was up to me to somehow reach the goal
The world talks of enpowerment, we have to fall in line
My future and my destiny, the choices are all mine.

Now looking back in hindsight, I see your guiding hand
The choices which I thought were mine, you had already planned
Your master plan, designed in love, mapped out before creation
Causes me to kneel in awe and sing out in elation

I want no way but yours God, your master plan is best
Teach me to be still and trust, teach me how to rest
Teach me not to struggle, don't let me go astray
Hold me firmly, guide me, in your perfect plan each day.


Karen Holmes
June 1998.

Dedicated to Grace who talks often of "the master plan"

How Amazing is my God

I wrote this poem during a song in church this morning!

How amazing is my God

Yet how closely you know me

All the secret, hidden things

Known Amazing God to thee

So today as I stand here

In my lonely isolation

Be my strength, my hope, my rock

Be my joyful consolation

Consolation that enpowers

Raises me from darkest space

Lifts me up and holds me always

In a safer, better place

And God says - 

Come oh child and let me hold you

Let me heal your hurt and pain

For I love you precious child

Let me cherish you again.

Karen Holmes
November 2nd 2014

On Days Like This

On days like this when I have tried
so very hard, not moaned or cried
and not allowed my trials to touch
another life - well not too much
made light of vigilance required
and walked away to rest when tired
in order that my struggle should
be mine alone for other's good.

On days like this when I've survived
risen above all that's contrived
to knock me, leave me less than whole
and still achieved a little goal
and managed still to care about
another's need, a silent shout
and made it home, pleased to surmount
struggles too numerous to count.

On days like this, on days like this
Oh world be kind and please regard
the choices I've been forced to make
have oft times been extremely hard
and may not be my first or best
most aimed for plan, most dreamt of scheme
For life throws challenges our way
Not everything is as it seems.

Karen Holmes
October 23rd 2014

His Beloved

Oh my God you have declared that I am dearly loved and precious
And you search for me when I would tend to stray
You leave the door unbolted for you long for my return
And you never, ever turn your child away

For they're beloved

Lord your heart is ever loving and your mercy knows no end
You're forgiving and you're tender, you're my Saviour and my friend
You're arms are always open and a welcome will await
Each child who chooses to return, you receive and reinstate -

As your beloved.

Not a servant's poor position for the one who ventures home
Not a lecture or a list of rules to learn
But a party and rejoicing with the finest food and drink
A celebration for the one who has returned -

You're dear beloved.

You reclothe us in fine garments, you reclaim us as your own
For we're all completely equal in your sight
And we breathe a sigh of calmness for we're safely home once more
when you clasp us in your arms and hold us tight - 

We're your beloved.

Karen Holmes
16th October 2014

Go Purple

Are we really so different?  I cannot see why
For surely we're born and then live till we die
We learn and we grow and we struggle through school
We try to be likeable, try to be "cool"
We all have our secrets, we all tell some lies
We have our ambitions, our plans to be wise
To change our environment, impact this place
To find one to love and to get our own place
We struggle financially, we scrimp and we save
hoping for easier, pleasanter days
We all pay our bills and moan about tax
We long for our holidays, time to relax
We all have to deal with sadness and grief
We go to the pub for some well earned relief

We laugh and we cry, mourn those that we lose
we wait by the telephone anxious for news
We celebrate joyfully, dance till we're tired
Find a new interest and get all inspired
We scream when in pain and we weep when we're sad
We talk of the past and the fun that we had 
We spend time with family, like it or not!
We shiver in winter and moan when it's hot
We fall on the ice and risk broken limbs
We're all just the same in a million things

So why, tell me this do we make a big fuss
about sexuality, what's wrong with us?
It's really quite simple, the truth very plain
At the end of the day - we're all just the same.

Karen Holmes
October 2010

Face to Face

Face to face, no false pretense
No "holy" words, no special sense
of needing somehow to rephrase
my ordinary heart felt ways
of talking
of praying

You are here, oh so near
Knowing the truth of what you hear
seeing through any religious words
Oh how foolish, how absurd
to think that I must somehow change
my language when I pray

And now I know, as tears flow
God's heart is stirred, my prayers are heard
as speaking now with honesty
those cries long hidden deep in me,
my anguished, heartfelt, soul's petition
To my God who surely listens.

I'm sure as sure as sure can be
that God was listening to me.

Karen Holmes
11.3.2007

Such Closeness

Oh how You held me, just in that moment
Your presence so tangible, specially for me
So kindly dispensing with all of my fears
As a father might hold a small child on his knee

Never before had I known such a closeness
Never before was your presence so real
Never had an ordinary place been so holy
As that night when your people had asked you to heal.

It took every ounce of my courage to risk it
My instincts were simply to run and to hide
The memories hurt and still tore me to pieces
And deep down the child within me still cried


Lord I can't find the words to explain how you touched me
How utterly, totally safe I became
How lost in your love and secure in your presence
So confident now that you know me by name.

Karen Holmes
Date unknown - probably the early 1990's.

Safe now

They're safe now Lord, those we've loved and lost
But yet we cry and still we try to count the cost
All those times we took for granted
How we wish that we had counted
Every precious sixty seconds
Way too late we learn life's lessons

Those we've loved and lost now feel no pain
The agony is ours who here on earth remain
The tears flow unchecked, and checked they flow again
Our wounds will weep to speak of that which words cannot explain.

They're safe now Lord, those we've loved and lost
And so are we, if only we could see
beyond this poor reflection of all that lies in wait
When we too leave this earth - this temporary state
and fly with all the angels, and dance on ageless limbs
On glancing heaven's glory, this poor tired earth grows dim.

Those we've loved and lost now know no tears
It's us who grieve and mourn their unlived years
An anguish that proclaims unspoken fears
Our heart cries out in ways that no-one hears.

They're safe now Lord, those we've loved and lost
and love remains and memories we keep
and those we feel have disappeared forever
are simply out of sight and now at peace
We see them not upon our own horizon
But mortal eyesight fails and dims with age
and on a distant shore they will be welcomed
eternal life begins, another page, 
the completion of this journey, the ending of a chapter
brings pages yet unread by us and frees us from the captor - 

that we call life.  It's all we've known,
frail bodies into which we've grown
are temporary dwellings, inside is the treasure
beyond understanding, beyond our measure
If only we'd grasp that life's ending brings more
and death's not the future, it's only a door.

They're safe now Lord, those we've loved and lost
And in our pain, our anger, disbelief
reach out and reassure us in our grief
that just as you embrace us in our pain
You also hold the one for whom we cry
and somehow they are not so far away
for they- and we - are nurtured Lord by You
You hold my hand, and yet you hold theirs too.

Karen Holmes
24th February 2005

(Inspired by my Uncles "promotion to glory"  and the numbness expressed by others in pain.  The loss, the anger, disbelief, the feeling that nothing will ever be the right or whole again and yet the need to go on living.  The sense of Christian certainty that this life is not all - that we are promised more - mixed in with the anguish.  The sense that those we've lost are only a breath away, just beyond our present sight, our present horizon.

"Victory is assured to those who believe".  Dedicated to Dave, because the memories live on, as does the sadness.)

How Long?

How long till we come to our senses?
How long till the truth becomes clear?
How long till we cover the distance
and stand side by side without fear?
How long till we worship together?
How long till the body of Christ
is made up of all who acknowledge
that He paid the ultimate price?

I'm anguished by such cruel division
I am screaming inside as I cry
For I'm parted from part of my family
and my spirit can't understand why.

My head knows the reason's, but somehow
I'm finding it hard to contain
The frustration that's building inside me
A part of me cries out in pain.

So how must the father heart of God
To our sad plight respond?
I believe that His tears are mingled with mine
As I cry "Oh my God, how long?"

Karen Holmes
2013.

Broken but dancing inside

Feeling flattened, Oh so weary
Broken body, lonely soul
Tired of striving to be better
Someone always moves the goal
Disappointed, disillusioned
Where's my lifeline, where's my hope
I'm at the end of my resources
I'm not sure if I can cope.

I'm broken on the outside
but dancing in my soul
For God is dwelling in me
I'm His, I'm free, I'm whole!
Oh fan into life the flame
that flickers in the breeze
And let it burn - a mighty fire
Oh Spirit, I believe.

I believe in you God
I behold your face
Open wide your arms
I need your strong embrace
My soul continues dancing
In the presence of my King
who dwells within, a mighty force
My all, my everything.

Karen Holmes
September 5th 2014

Tiny Acts

It's the tiny acts of kindness
It's the thoughtful word or deed
It's the cherishing of human kind
All colours and all creeds
It's the nod of understanding
and the tender, kind caress
That can make a difference in this world
Make painful times hurt less.

It's the card or letter in the post
The text that says "I care"
It's the reaching out beyond ourselves
To someone else, somewhere.
It's the step outside our comfort zone
to help another stand
that can make a difference in this world
When we lend a helping hand.

It's the greeting of a neighbour
and a friendly, listening ear
It's the smallest reassurance
or the sharing of a fear
The befriending of a lonely soul
Recognition in the street
It's the knowing of a first name
Whenever you may meet.

And you may not think it matters
In the worldwide scheme of things
But you'll never know the consequence
Our little deeds may bring
So we can't be slow in doing good
For it starts with me and you
Our little kindness here and there
Could mend a life or two.

Yes the world will carry on my friends
All the killing and the hate
They're the tiny deeds of selfishness
which brought us to this state.
Let us build with acts of loveliness
Let us change the world right now
As we make a difference here today
And a seed of hope allow.

It's the little deeds
It's the tiny acts
It's the smallest word or deed
It's the briefest touch
It's the loving hug
That meet somebody's need.

Karen Holmes
4th September 2014

My Own Little World

Lord, sometimes I live in my own little world
And I close my eyes tightly to outside events
There's no point in getting involved in debates
It's easier, more pleasant to sit on the fence.
The politics bore me, the figures confuse
At the touch of a button I switch off the news.
My neighbours are strangers, I just shout "hello"
I ask them "how are you?" but do I want to know?
Lord, I know it's not good enough, but that's life today
But what's your opinion, God, what is your way?

I know my indifference is breaking your heart
Oh show me your will and let me play my part
Lord stir up your Spirit within me again
And open my eyes to a world that's in pain.
For people are bound up in evil and strife
whilst others are starving, just clinging to life.
Lord show me the darkness but in me be light
Show me the evil but teach me what's right
Show me confusion but through me bring peace
Show me oppression but in me release
Your power, your goodness, your strength and your grace
Your compassion and love for the whole human race.

And Lord, if there's some way that you can use me
To bring about justice, to set people free
If I can bring truth to a world full of lies
Or point out the answer to some of life's "why's"
If I can untie the cords which ensnare
or help lift the pressures that people can't bear
If I can speak softly without accusation
If I can speak kindly without condemnation
If I can let God direct each conversation
Then surely each day will be different
And surely Your will may be done in some way
Lord teach me to listen and help me obey.

Karen Holmes.

Coming to You

I'm coming in poverty, 
God be my treasure
An empty clay vessel
Lord fill beyond measure
I fall by the wayside
Lord, cause me to stand
No longer alone
I hold fast to your hand.

I'm coming in brokeness
Desperate for healing
In body and mind
Lord, you know how I'm feeling
I'm weakened by struggling
I'm weary with pain
I fall down before you
Restore me again

I'm coming with sadness
With burden's laid low
My tears you have witnessed
My heartache you know
I've found no relief
Though I've looked everywhere
I know that You love me
I know that You care.

Turn ashes to beauty
Turn sorrow to dance
Erase all my failures
Give me a new chance
Bring wholeness and healing
Transform and renew
That's why I am coming
Dear Father to You.

Karen Holmes
June 18th 2007

Birthday Gifts

Written for our pastor's birthday some years ago......

You're wife told me,"just bring yourself,
a present doesn't matter
don't buy him chocolates or sweets
they'll only make him fatter"

She said "he doesn't garden,
so don't buy tools or plants
And please don't buy him alcohol
he'll start to sing and dance.

books are no good, they'll gather dust
as on a shelf they sit.
Don't buy him running shoes or weights,
he don't like keeping fit.

He isn't into cufflinks,
they're just not cool these days
He's got a stack of DVD's
and music that he plays.

He doesn't need a carriage clock
or watch to tell the time
they'd only drive him crazy
with their ticking and their chimes.

He has a wardrobe full of clothes,
so please, no socks, no ties,
no garments that we must return
to get the proper size.

No flowers, they will make him sneeze,
no ornaments to dust.
He won't be disappointed
cos he's not the type to fuss.

Just bring yourself, just come along,
enjoy the birthday bash
and make sure that you bring a card
and fill it full of cash!"

Karen Holmes.

But

You've seen the way things are Lord
For nothing gets past you
As to where my life is headed
Well, I haven't got a clue.
I can only see the obvious
And the outlook's not too great
For my body's frail and damaged
Let alone my mental state!

When we gather on a Sunday
Some can barely lift their eyes
Our human hearts are broken
and our pain we can't disguise
There is darkness all around us
Each day throughout the year
BUT the Spirit of our God 
is alive and hovers here.

A "but" that changes everything
"Oh Spirit stay" we plead
"Baptise us, fill us, overwhelm us,
Make us free indeed.
Transform us and restore us
inspire our hearts once more
Be God's own seal upon us"
our longing souls implore.
"Replenish us with power
and drench us, soak us through
for we've lost hope in anything
that doesn't come from you."

"And I can't live on crumbs God
when a feast You have prepared
and I'm fed up of being hungry
and I'm weary of being scared.
Oh come and make a difference
Come find me on my knees
and make that "but" reality
Come change things for me please"

Karen Holmes
17th January 2012

Guardian Angels

Written a few years ago for special friends, I am sure they won't mind if I share this more widely now.


You're protected by my angels
Placed like sentry's at their post
Guardians of my precious children
Of the ones who need them most
Wings outstretched, none dare to pass them
Lest they're vetted and approved
Once appointed by the Father
These protectors can't be moved.
What a sight - a mighty vision
Huge and tall, their wingspan vast
Only my most trusted angels
Are deemed worthy of this task.
Day and night they keep their vigil
And the air by them is stirred
With each move of Holy Spirit
As each faithful prayer is heard
drops of Holy Spirit's power
healing ointment, soothing balm
Bringing peace in fear filled moments
And an inner sense of calm.
Oh my dearest, much loved children
You're held safely night and day
Rest secure in firmest knowledge
My protections here to stay.

Always guarding, never sleeping
Dearest ones safe in my keeping.

Karen Holmes
June 1st 2012

My Stroke Victory

This poem was written as a competition entry on the theme of victories.  It didn't win! Lol.  But I won.  I got on the train, I did it.

And whilst I am making this poem public, might I add that there is a very special lady who works at the ticket office at Kidderminster.  She observed my nervousness on that day of my first journey (long before the date of this poem) and so I explained.  She was very enabling and encouraging and still asks me how I am each time I travel.  Never underestimate the difference you might make in your routine daily job.

MY STROKE VICTORY

When the doors closed behind me on the train
I was taking control of my life again
Refusing to falter, despite pounding heart
Reclaiming my life, the beginning, the start
Of living unflinchingly with hope
The way I had before my stroke
Victory sought, Victory mine
When I met my friend at the end of the line.

Karen Holmes
April 4th 2012

Unmarked Day

If I knew then, what I know now
I'd have made a note of that day somehow
Perhaps on the calendar with a marker pen
I'd draw a star to show "that was when"
I wouldn't have had a mobile phone
Or I'd set a reminder with a special tone
But each anniversary a cake on a stand
would be promptly delivered to all in the land
There'd be street parties, laughter and great celebration
To echo my own hearts resounding elation.

If I knew then, what I know now
I'd never unwittingly allow
that day to pass without a glance.
Alas I have no second chance
to rectify my careless ways
And so unknown that moment stays
lost, shrouded in the mists of time
forgotten in your thoughts and mine
A moment when my world was changed
goes unrecorded.  And it's strange

To wonder how such gaps exist
when other memories still persist.
If I had known the part you'd play
I'd save each detail of that day.
The day we met, exchanging names
To think we treated it the same
As any day before or after
brings me to tears or raucous laughter
If only I had known, I'd not
throughout my lifetime have forgot.

Karen Holmes
17th January 2011.

Love is...........

This poem was written for a Home League rally at the Salvation Army in Kidderminster in 2008.  They told me their theme was love and so I wrote this.

Without love I'm just a noise
There's no relevance, no sense
Without love my deeds are worthless
Just an empty, sad pretence.
Without love, life has no meaning
There's no value, there's no point
Holy Spirit move upon me and my heart of stone anoint.

Without love there's only darkness
and I cannot find my way
Without love there is no melody
Only clashing notes are played
In disharmony the world goes on
the tune no longer clear
Without love there is no place for hope
Just deep unyielding fear.

Oh I love you Lord, but your word commands
that I love my fellow man
And that's where I am struggling
Cos I don't know if I can.

Without love we cannot know God
For love is His very being
And with love the scales fall from our eyes
We've a different way of seeing
Lord take my poor, dim vision
Bring clarity of sight
Let me see the world with your eyes
Bring compassion for our plight

Without love I am an empty shell
A cold, unfeeling heart
Now I'm crying out, "Holy Spirit,
come your tenderness impart"
For this life has numbed all feeling
I'm all frozen up inside
But the nail scarred hands of Jesus
Are still stretched open wide.

And His cry is "whosoever"
For the lost He came to save
There was no greater price to pay
His very life He gave
If God in all His mercy
could die for me and you
Then surely we must show His love
In all we say and do.

Oh I love you Lord, but Your word commands
that I love my fellow man
And it's only through your grace in me
That possibly I can.

There's no half measures, no excuse
and no-one is excluded
If we think that we can pick and choose
I'm sorry - we're deluded
for love is all encompassing
Love's arms remain outstretched
Enfolding those whose pain is great
Love always gives it's best.

Love is patient, love is kind
Love won't give up or change it's mind
Love risks it all, love reaches out
Love always hopes and never doubts

Oh I love you Lord for You first loved me
And I long my fellow man might see
Your love extends to them as well
Lord speak through me, your truth to tell
Oh move my heart with fervent zeal
To show the world a love that's real
such love as you poured forth for me
Upon that cross at Calvary.

Karen Holmes
April 30th 2008

Oh Thou Who Changest Not.........

Same tune - new words.

Abide with me for sometimes I get scared
Often in life I feel so unprepared
Nothing is constant, nothing stays the same
Oh thou who changest not, I call your name.

Abide with me for I can't cope alone
Don't leave me helpless, don't leave me on my own
Stand by my side, and take hold of my hand
Oh thou who changest not, please understand.

Abide with me through every single day
Stay with me always, please don't go away
Though I mess up and often get things wrong
Be always present, God, and make me strong.

Abide with me for all my hope's in You
Though I can't understand the things you do
Sometimes I falter, Often I am weak
Then, through the silence, let me hear You speak.

Abide with me my one unfailing friend
Abide with me until life's very end
Unchanging God, Unfailing King of Kings
Help me each day your wondrous praise to sing.

Karen Holmes
17 October 2010

(written 2 months after I had a stroke when fear was very present and uncertaintly became my only certainty)

Oceans Cry

I'm shouting into the waves God
From somewhere deep within
Unintelligible cries Lord
Drowned out by ocean's din
Some most basic call from
created to creator
Long contained.long surpressed,
emerging, voiced much later.
Unrefined and primitive
Undignified, unkempt
Every unfulfilled heart longing
All the dreams I dreamt
All the broken moments
All the heart's frustration
Finding it's expression
Long sought liberation.
Mighty ocean, wash my soul
make the broken pieces whole
As each wave unfurls with crashing
Sparkling droplets softly splashing
Holy Spirit crash and scatter
All the "stuff" that doesn't matter
Wash and cleanse, leave fresh and new
As my soul shouts out to you
Deep cries unto deeper
in languages unknown
Interpreted and understood
By Father God alone.

Karen Holmes
5th July 2013

The road to Emmaus/Kidderminster

They'd had hope, the possibility of a life lived purposefully
they had believed in this hope, welcomed the ray of light
walked towards it, reached out with a new certainty and boldness
At last - a real, life changing, life affirming reality.

It was Jesus who had given them this hope.

But now - now, he'd gone.  It was earth shatteringly over.
An end to hope, the recommencement of broken dreams
scattered at their feet.

Living fire, vibrant, bright - turned to ash, ash that simply disintegrates when touched, insubstantial, dirty, end product of powerful life force...trampled into nothing.

And the stranger they walked with drew these words from them "we had hoped"

And God, today I recognise that for "I had hoped" as well.  I had hoped for better, for affirmation, for a sense of being raised above the detritus of the searing, tearing loss.  I had hoped for a new song of glorious anticipation but my heart is a fragile thing and easily hurt.

And so I walk alongside the ones on that road to Emmaus,  I hang my head and feel each weary step along that dry and dusty path.

I need you to join me, to re-join me as in putting me back together.  I need you to speak and to explain, to share the resurrection with me. I need you to take the bread and bless it - my resurrection and my life - their hearts were lifted and their hopes renewed.  I need fresh hope today.  I need your words of redeeming Grace for I like them, had hoped..........

When our hope is in you it is solid and dependable and yet Lord this world knocks us, often from the most unexpected sources.  Even as we are scrambling to our feet, even as we are still on our knees and reaching for a way to haul ourselves back to a standing position life kicks us.  A word, a gesture, one blow too many and we reel.  We reel even as we mock ourselves, even as we employ well used defences, even as we hide behind our laughter there is an element of despair, an "I told you so" resounding in our heart.  There are "a million little deaths."

We forget that we are the apple of your eye, we lose sight of the fact that you call us a royal priesthood, a holy nation, dearly loved children.  We forget it all as that black dog of depression squeezes our heart.

God I need an Easter Sunday!  I need an Emmaus Road!  I cry out for another Pentecost!

Open my eyes to see you as you are and who I am in you.  Renew my hope, my strength and teach me to be kind to me.  

Lord "I had hoped"

Karen Holmes
22nd April 2014

God dreamed me up in His heart.

God dreamed me up in His heart you know
Well that's what I read today.
It made me feel sort of warm inside
And I wondered if that was the way
That God created all of us
By dreaming us up in His heart
What a great imagination!
However would you start
To dream up a whole, new person?
To make them entirely unique
To decide on their height and the colour of their eyes
And the way that they'd laugh or speak

God dreamed me up in His heart you know
He decided I'd simply be me
He must have thought that there was a gap
for a Karen, a vacancy.
He put each part of me altogether
With a generous helping of fun
And he added some serious thinking as well
To complete that which He had begun.
And He does it so many times over
Creating us all perfectly
We are none of us here by accident 
We were dreamed of and made beautifully.

Karen Holmes
March 15th 2014

The written word.

I wish that you could see how much I mean each word I write
If only you could witness my joy, my great delight
In putting pen to paper, in sharing thoughts with you
telling you all my hopes and dreams, the things I long to do.
I wish that you could feel my peace in sharing little fears
the feeling that I'm not alone, the safety through the years
Of having one who knows it all yet never fails to care
A knowledge that each secret's safe, yet someone's now aware
of fragile strength and fearful hope and certainty oft doubted
And often known by just a look, not spoken, never shouted

I wish that you could feel the smiles, the echo of my laughter
For I'm not sure that they remain once posted, and then after
the journey from my home to yours, the waiting to be read
I don't know if they come to life or turn to dust instead.
I don't know if my letter's reach you, all intact and full of fun
But rest assured that's how they started, how each one begun

The writing flowed, the thoughts all crowding, coming fast and pushing, shoving, wanting to be heard, and felt and known by you.......
by you, the one I write to most
who reads the letters that I post.

Karen Holmes
March 12th 2014

A Day out with Wellies!

A true(ish) story!

Helen and Christine went out for a wander

They thought that they'd visit the ducks over yonder

There'd been lots or rain and the ground turned to mud

But they were determined to go, if they could.

So Helen decided her wellies she'd need

So the mud wouldn't thwart them, the ducks they could feed

She got out her thick socks for cozy, warm toes

For wellies let chills in (as everyone knows)

Now Alfie (the dog) kept an eye on proceedings

Whilst Taylor (the cat) feared where this might be leading

When human's go out, they're not there to serve

in the way that all felines demand and deserve.

Helen pulled on her wellies and waved them goodbye

Alfie and Taylor gave a deep, heartfelt sigh.

Helen met up with Chris and they chatted at ease

Set free by her wellies Helen felt really pleased

She could wander through puddles and trample through mud

The ducks thought that they'd get some too if they could!

But the ducks also witnessed the best fun of all

And always with laughter this day they'll recall!

The moment when Helen decided that she

Would remove muddy wellies then go home for tea,

There was no room for movement, the welly was stuck!

And finally Christine came over to look

Well they pulled and they struggled the boot to get free

It almost became a full emergency!

They feared they'd need professional aid

But finally, happily progress was made

The wellington story will always bring laughter

Today and tomorrow - and many years after

Whenever it's muddy or starting to rain

We'll think of poor Helen and her wellies again!

Karen Holmes

January 12th 2014