The road to Emmaus/Kidderminster

They'd had hope, the possibility of a life lived purposefully
they had believed in this hope, welcomed the ray of light
walked towards it, reached out with a new certainty and boldness
At last - a real, life changing, life affirming reality.

It was Jesus who had given them this hope.

But now - now, he'd gone.  It was earth shatteringly over.
An end to hope, the recommencement of broken dreams
scattered at their feet.

Living fire, vibrant, bright - turned to ash, ash that simply disintegrates when touched, insubstantial, dirty, end product of powerful life force...trampled into nothing.

And the stranger they walked with drew these words from them "we had hoped"

And God, today I recognise that for "I had hoped" as well.  I had hoped for better, for affirmation, for a sense of being raised above the detritus of the searing, tearing loss.  I had hoped for a new song of glorious anticipation but my heart is a fragile thing and easily hurt.

And so I walk alongside the ones on that road to Emmaus,  I hang my head and feel each weary step along that dry and dusty path.

I need you to join me, to re-join me as in putting me back together.  I need you to speak and to explain, to share the resurrection with me. I need you to take the bread and bless it - my resurrection and my life - their hearts were lifted and their hopes renewed.  I need fresh hope today.  I need your words of redeeming Grace for I like them, had hoped..........

When our hope is in you it is solid and dependable and yet Lord this world knocks us, often from the most unexpected sources.  Even as we are scrambling to our feet, even as we are still on our knees and reaching for a way to haul ourselves back to a standing position life kicks us.  A word, a gesture, one blow too many and we reel.  We reel even as we mock ourselves, even as we employ well used defences, even as we hide behind our laughter there is an element of despair, an "I told you so" resounding in our heart.  There are "a million little deaths."

We forget that we are the apple of your eye, we lose sight of the fact that you call us a royal priesthood, a holy nation, dearly loved children.  We forget it all as that black dog of depression squeezes our heart.

God I need an Easter Sunday!  I need an Emmaus Road!  I cry out for another Pentecost!

Open my eyes to see you as you are and who I am in you.  Renew my hope, my strength and teach me to be kind to me.  

Lord "I had hoped"

Karen Holmes
22nd April 2014