I want to be a hippie

 I'd like to be a hippie and dwell in open spaces

Wear long and brightly coloured skirts and boots with coloured laces

I'd dye my hair all rainbow shades, add ribbons and bright beads 

I'd follow wild pathways, not caring where they'd lead

I'd get myself a motorbike or perhaps a camper-van

And let each day unfold at will without a structured plan

I'd have a faithful dog or two and we'd snuggle through the night

My van would be so cosy, bedecked in fairy lights

In winter I'd wear thick wool tights, baggy jumpers too

I'd cosy up in blankets with a brandy infused brew

And sometimes I'd wear lipstick, paint my lips bright red

To make myself stand out a bit and see what people said

But mainly I'd just be myself, my soul could freely soar

My head full of unfettered dreams of laughter,  joy ... and more...!

I'd just be me, wholly unique, a hippie through and through

Yes, if I had my time again,  that's just what I would do.

I  cannot fit into life's boxes, it's simply not for me

I have a spirit that deserves to live a life that's free

A camper-van with fairy lights

And snoring dogs through starry nights

And flowing skirts and coloured hair

I close my eyes, pretend I'm there.

Karen Holmes 

15 September 2021

(For Kath)

DHQ

I am backed into a corner and I can't find a way out
The walls are closing in on me and no-one hears me shout
For you've silenced me completely, you have blithely shut me down
You've tied a millstone round my neck and cast me off to drown
I'm wearing black as my heart grieves, you've erased my living breath
You've sentenced me to solitary confinement until death.

And you say it's for my safety! Do you think that I'm insane?
Would you straight jacket me also if I faced you and complained?
You have taken my integrity and hurled it to the floor
Heard my quiet confession and accused me of much more.

Pointing accusing fingers dressed up in kindly cloak
You wounded me more deeply with every word you spoke.
You ground me underneath your shoe, talking of sin and shame
You took your ruler, measured me, found my guilt was not the same
My sin weighed less, their wrong was worse
I wasn't quite so bad.
And then you smiled and said that it was special what we had.

And now a deafening silence, act like its all ok
Sign up and recommit yourself to serve some other way.
But I cannot serve in silence, cowering, hiding, scared
When I feel as if I'm naked, my very soul laid bare.

Written late 2019
Karen Holmes

Permission Refused.

Permission sought to speak of ancient wisdom,
To seek afresh the truths of earth's lost story
To dwell in mysteries once so well known,
To touch the roots of life, to witness nature's glory
Not to merely glance and find a picture perfect scene
But to revere, respect, and learn, some deeper truth to glean
Permission sought to dance in sunlight,
to catch the snowflakes,
shout into the sea
To watch a leaf that spins, in rainbow colours
And hear more clearly
A voice divine, that reaches out to me.

Permission sought to leave the empty buildings
Permission sought to walk away intact
To be allowed to step in new directions
To leave this place which has me feeling trapped
Permission sought to visit on occasions
And not be grilled, mistrusted, cast aside
But just to be accepted in my wholeness
For many are the tears that I have cried.

For you don't know - and wouldn't want to hear about
The person hidden neath the smile I wear
The soul that longs for freedom to express herself
In an environment that won't return despair
In a place where I am wholly seen and loved
for who I am not whom you think you see
Where I don't have to guard my thoughts and keep in check
My thoughts and reasoning to somehow keep the peace.


Karen Holmes.
Written 2019

What sort of sacrifice?

I could bring so many things to God
and offer for His perusal
But does he ask something of me 
That so far gets refusal
Do I make real sacrifice
Or do I offer less
If he asks for something more, will he get my "yes"

At Lent we sometimes give things up
We might deem this sacrifice
Perhaps a treat that we enjoy
Something very nice
But then at Easter we can feast
Without a guilty thought
A temporary giving up, Is that what you ask, Lord?

If I could choose my sacrifice
I'd make myself a list
And choose something I didn't care for
Something I'd not miss
I'd lay it on the alter
And someone else might see
And think it was a costly gift, yet twas nothing much to me

For all of us like different things
And what might cost you dear
Could be of little value
To anybody here
And God knows well each one of us
And understands our hearts
And knows our full potential, has seen it from the start

So when God speaks to us each one
It's not a general word
It's whispered into every soul
Until His voice is heard

A whisper that caresses

No big stick does He wield 
For our yes is all he wants, If only we might yield.

Karen Holmes 2019

Vulnerable

 If I climb out of this box I am in

Peer over the edge and stretch out cramped limbs

Will it be safe to be visible, seen

Will people wonder where I have been?

Will I find welcome or tired indifference

Will there be signposts or will I feel lost

Is there a place that feels made to measure

Where will I find it and what will it cost.

Karen Holmes

Written 2020

The Binding Part 1

 

Do, don't, should, shouldn't, must, mustn't.

That's how it starts, innocent child, tying down the sails, taming the wild
Firing the clay, before it has grown, closing the mind that hasn't yet known
Hiding the map of far away spaces, pointing the route down cul-de-sac places
"Either" and "or" with no in-between, Limited options and few choices seen
Closing the door and hiding the key, yet promising this way you'll truly be free
Reading the book but missing the story, showing the death, ignoring the glory.
Punish the crime, and threaten with hellfire, stamp out the joy, unfettered desire.
Carefulness, smallness, restriction and chain, vague future hope of some heavenly gain
Cracks in the pavement, the devil's sly scheme, follow the rules it's safer it seems
That's how it starts, that's how it ends, the straight and the narrow avoid all the bends.

Avoid all the views.
Narrow the choices
Silence the pleading of deep inner voices
Shuttered, reduced but safer by far
Don't trust the person that you really are.

One word - Rebel
Two Words - Raise Hell
Eight words - Be You And Don't Care Who You Tell!

©Karen Holmes

9th September 2021