To explain the background to this poem - Boots had sent me a big glossy letter saying that they knew I loved their hair removal cream and therefore they would give me loads of extra points when I next bought it. The problem was I'd never bought their product, and so I wrote this verse and sent it to them. They replied ever so seriously and sent me a fiver...........
Dear Boots, you’ve disappointed me
By sending me this letter;
I thought that after all this time
You’d got to know me better
I do not understand
What makes you think I’m rather keen
On spending all my money
On your hair removal cream.
Your letter would imply
That I am buying it every week;
You must think I am ape-like
And I find that quite a cheek!
It’s make up that I buy from you
It goes on like a dream
So send me points for that
And not your hair removal cream!
My Birthday is approaching
And alas, I’m over 40
I shouldn’t ask for presents
As I know it’s rather naughty.
But, come on, You’ve upset me
And I’d like nothing better
Than a lovely Boots gift voucher
Included with a letter
A gesture which assures me
Your mistake is rectified
And you know I’m not as hairy
As your letter had implied!
So, thank you Boots for listening
And though it might seem strange
I’d like to wish you great success
With your hair removal range!
Karen Holmes
