Inward/Outward

Since my stroke I have become aware of how many people make assumptions based on outward appearances. I wrote this poem - to no-one in particular and yet to everyone who crosses my path to try and show that you should never judge a book by it's cover.

Outwardly I look like you

Walking, talking, smiling too

Glad to listen, quick to joke

Interested in other folk

Keen to learn and understand

Pleased to share in all you've planned

Controversial, unafraid

Proud of all the progress made

Outwardly I am the same

I know life's rules, I play the game

Inwardly I'm somehow changed

All my thoughts are rearranged

Nothing's simple, nothing's clear

Life's uncertain tinged with fear

Feeling old but looking fine

Each small step a lengthy climb

Every action now requires

Conscious thought which makes me tired

Crowds alarm me, I retreat

I stand still, I can't compete.

Outwardly I'm still just me

Yet I beg you, try to see

how I falter, though I try

to keep up and not to cry

Inwardly I chide myself

Don't give in, return to health

Even I remain quite shaken

By the course my life has taken

Tiredness my constant friend

As my brain attempts to mend

Inwardly I won't lose hope

otherwise I wouldn't cope

Outwardly perhaps it seems

I've lost sight of fragile dreams

Let me tell you that's not true

Though it looks that way to you

Just for now I must step back

Regain strength which now I lack

I'll return when I am able

When I feel a bit more stable

Inwardly I struggle so

Outwardly you wouldn't know

Blood tests, jabs and tired brain feeling

All of this has left me reeling

Writing makes me tire so fast

My days of long epistle's past!

So I plead, just give me space

Let me go at my own pace

Tears come easier than words

This is normal so I've heard.

May your prayers reflect my need

Just to go at my own speed.

In my weakness He is strong

Yes, it's hard don't get me wrong

Still my soul delights to claim

He, my Lord remains the same

Life has not gone as I planned

And I do not understand

There's no way we can explain

Please don't try, for in my pain

Honesty will help me best

Just leave God to do the rest.

Inwardly I'm still just me

Still sarcastic – wait and see!

Outwardly I look a sight

Hair needs cutting, what a fright!

Inwardly my world has changed

Outwardly I might seem strange

Recovery may take a while

So keep in touch and make me smile

Soon I will be back again

Albeit with a damaged brain

I hear you muttering “nothing new”!

I knew I could depend on you!

Karen

October 5^th 2010