No Thank You

I called into the Post Office, a single stamp to buy
she asked if I've a credit card, surprised I questioned "why?"
I know that postage costs have changed and maybe it sounds flash
But I'd planned to buy my first class stamp with good old fashioned cash.

"I have a credit card" I smiled, "I don't want anymore"
And hoping for a swift retreat I turned towards the door
"Perhaps you'd like a leaflet then, please don't leave empty handed,
it's possible you'll change your mind" she gently reprimanded

...and pointed to the leaflets with their shiny, glossy finish
she was really on a roll now and nothing could diminish
her passionate ambition to change me for the better
when all I really wanted was a stamp to post my letter.

I paid a visit to my bank to pay some money in
the cashier at the counter gave a reassuring grin.
She took my money from me and stuffed it in a drawer
and gazed at her computer, then gazed at it some more.

Now, reaching a decision, she leaned a little nearer
"Would you like to change your mortgage? as I'm sure that yours is dearer
than the new one we are offering, many other folk have changed
It would save you heaps of money and is easily arranged."

Well I think she saw me yawning or the glazed look in my eyes
For she quickly changed the subject and pulled out a fresh surprise.
"Your account is rather old now and it really needs updating,
my colleague will advise you, take a seat whilst you are waiting"

A young girl with three inch heels, mousy hair streaked red with henna
informed me that my new account would cost me just a tenner
"A ten pound payment every month? My present one is free"
"But look at all the benefits you'll get" she smiled at me.

She reeled them off, as I began to softly weep and groan
What use is breakdown cover for a car I do not own?
Or holiday insurance when I do not travel far
The furthest I have gone this year is a day in Droitwich Spa!

I left her stood forlornly with a folder in her hand
and went to spend some money on a treat I hadn't planned.
I felt I'd been harassed enough, was tired and battle scarred
I didn't want fancy bank accounts or a deck of credit cards

So as I made my purchase I was not amused to see
The assistant had a leaflet and was waving it at me
"Would you like one of our store cards? You could make an instant saving
You'd be a fool to turn it down, it's just the thing you're craving."

Now here, just for the record, may I make my feelings plain
All these tempting new initiatives are driving me insane.
If I want some extra help then I will ask for it quite clearly
Though your offers might sound generous, I know they'll cost me dearly.

I'm happy as I am thanks, so just leave me alone
I've had enough of your advice, I'm tired, I'm going home!

Karen Holmes
Date unknown.