Where's my truth?

This poem speaks about the way we like to be in control, and that's ok, it's a human part of us.  But when it becomes too much to hold everything together we realise that there's more to life than the minute detail of our planning and decisions, our souls cry out for nourishment.  And so, when I speak of relinquishing control to God, I do not mean that we let go of all we seek, I do not mean we become less, I mean that we then reach our highest potential, our highest gain and enjoy our fullest life!  Inspired by a conversation with a friend.



I'm in control, my life's all sorted
I know my plans, I won't be thwarted
My head is full of things to do
Each day I think of something new
I'm working hard to earn the cash
Yet every penny's spent so fast
I'm trying to keep the plates all spinning
And usually it seems I'm winning.

And yet..........

I long to know so many things
If I could fly I'd spread my wings
And travel all the earth to find
The answers to my searching mind
I'd search the temples, wisdom seek
I'd sit enthralled as wise men speak
For many viewpoints thrive out there
But where's my truth, my solace, where?

I seek..........

Then God, in His all knowing way
Steps into chaos, gets in our way!
And silences all other voices
That clamour for our hasty choices
Bids them cease and slows down time
Brings stillness to this soul of mine
He rushes not, but tenderly
Reaches out, takes hold of me
Enfolds me in His warm embrace
And wipes the tears from off my face.

I know.......

It's God and me, none to distract
And my soul leaps to interact
with God - for in the depth of me
I recognise that only He
can fill that emptiness I find
remains, despite my crowded mind.

And I relinquish every goal
And cry "Oh God, come take control
For only then will I attain
The fullest life, my highest gain.

Karen Holmes
August 25th 2013

Where Are You?

This “poem” was triggered by a conversation with a friend.  I cannot now remember all the details of that conversation but it went along the lines of “despite all the looking, I don’t know how or where to find God.”

From my own experience I do agree that God can seem elusive and very often it is a step of faith which initiates our experience of Him rather than a step of absolute conviction.  As time goes by I realise that I find less of God in the Church and more of Him in my heart and in other people, often those unconnected with the church.  God exists, I have no doubt of that but He is, in my opinion, portrayed incompletely by the Church.

**********
I’ve been looking for You for a while now, God, seeking You out in the hidden places
Looking for You in tear stained faces, calling Your name in the dark.

I’ve been looking for You in the grand cathedrals, in the pages of books, dusty and torn
It seems I’ve been searching since I was born.

Where do You hide?  And why, I wonder.  Inaccessible, gone from view
If I searched the whole wide world, where oh God would I find You?

Perhaps in the East, amongst the tourists, in the temple of Jerusalem
Or on that hillside, place of the skull, do You dwell there now as You did then?

Are You in heaven, looking down?  Seeing our struggles, watching our search
Will I find You if by chance I happen on the perfect Church?

Do You want to be found God?  Is this a game of hide and seek?
How long must I look, how long before You speak?

Prove Yourself God!  Come on out of the safety of wherever You are, come and touch my life - and I, in turn will touch those scarred and nail torn hands.

God, where are You in my struggles, in my grief, my loss, my hunger for the truth?
Come and reveal to me the greatness of Your resurrection power, come and relieve my aching heart, come and set me free to dance, to rejoice, to believe, to see…

To see the reality of Jesus, to dwell in the presence of the Most High God.
Where are You?  Where are You?  Where are You?


And God replies-

I am here, I am the breath of wind upon your face, the sunshine that warms you, the snow that makes your fingers tingle with cold.

I am the food you eat, the sustenance you need to survive, I am the roof over your head, the warmth of the fire in the centre of your home.

I am the tears you cry and the laughter that resounds.  I am your hope.  But most of all I am Love.

Not that I do love or I am capable of loving - although these are true - but that I AM love, the very essence of my being is love, my very nature is love.

Each time you celebrate love, you celebrate me.  Your kisses, your hugs, the ones you hold close to you - the expression of your love is the expression of all that I am.

Your friends, your family, the one whose hand you hold as they cry, the one you embrace in the middle of the night when you feel alone, the one you reach for - proof of me, a demonstration of all that is good.

The one you call your lover, the one who sees you truly naked - not of garments but of all that you portray to the world in order to survive - that is love, and I am love and I am in all you do which is loving.

You say you do not know me, but you do.  You know me in every kind word, every gesture of tenderness, every tear you wipe away, every time you say, “I love you”, you prove that you do know me.

Now, come, let me embrace you in the fullness of love such as you have never known before.  A love that will never fail you, never disown you, never let you down, never cause you pain.  A love that is all consuming and all encompassing and all knowing and all providing and ALL that you could ever need.

How?  It’s easy! Talk to me, accept that you were never intended to struggle alone, accept that the way to me is easy, and I am closer than you think.  All you have to do, is come to me.  I am waiting for you.

Soul Dance

In a darkened place, in a box closed tight

So many things kept out of sight

And some would say it’s for the best

To not unlock the treasure chest

But my heart and soul cannot agree

For they’re dancing in the light

And it would be cruel to return them to

Their prison, due to fright

For what is fright but fear of that

We haven’t known before

And how can we expect to grow

If new truth we ignore

The things that our souls know are true

Are valid, vital, real

And I can’t go a squandering

The deep delight I feel

I totally refuse to take

A step back into hiding

But stand up tall with head held high

In heavenly love abiding

Oh yes, you thought that I’d forgot

Or fallen far away

Yet he’s the keeper of my heart

My soul, my life, my way.

And He delights in freedom

For it was His idea

I’ll dance through heaven’s hallways

Where life and love are clear

For it was His design, His plan

He doesn’t turn his face

But celebrates my freedom

Holds me in His embrace

Held lovingly, in Father’s arms

I cry “How great thou art”

For He designed, created me,

And always holds my heart.

Always, no matter what befalls

Forever without fail

For He’s the author of my dance

The wind within my sail

The vastness of my God is more

Than I could ever tell

And in His word it states that He

Created all things well.

That’s me, that’s you, created well!

By God’s designer hand

No errors and no second best

But by the Master planned

And so I dance, for in this truth

I find release and might

For if I trust that God made me

He must have done it right!!

Hallelujah!

Karen Holmes 11^th August 2013

Only what You plan

This has been my prayer today.

Only what has my name upon it

In heavens treasure store

Only that would I desire

Nothing less but nothing more

For that which you have marked as mine

Will only ever bless

Whilst other things that I might seek

May bring only distress

And I believe that you Oh God

Are interested in me

And I’m convinced your one desire

Is to delight in me

So only what you’ve named as mine

Only what you’ve planned

All the treasures that you have

Within your mighty hand

These only would I seek today

These only will be mine

And I will trust that you know best

Oh God make my will, thine.

Karen Holmes

July 31^st 2013

Healing

Healing is laughter

Healing is tears

Healing is talking

And sharing our fears

Healing is streams

And mountains so high

Healing is holding my hand

When I cry

Healing is stillness

and days spent with friends

Healing’s forgiveness

And making amends

Healing is rainfall

At last after drought

Healing is dancing

And fooling about

Healing is love

A hug and a kiss

Healing is being with

A loved one you’ve missed

Healing is praying

And walking alone

Healing is sharing the things that we own

Healing is touching a life full of pain

Bringing a smile and laughter again

Healing expressed in so many small ways

Healing should flow through our lives every day.

Karen Holmes

July 31st 2013

Pebbles

Pebbles.

All sizes, all colours, some roughened edges, some very smooth

All mixed together, all rubbing shoulders with all the others as they move

With tide and waves and sea, with folk like you and me

As we picked out the ones that called to us.

All changing, constant movement displaced by shifting sands

Picked up and turned around, examined closely by oh so many different hands

Some taken home to keep, some thrown back to the deep

His vast creation that somehow calls to us.

And as we sit, allowing nature to enthral us

We too are moulded, edges smoothed, and strivings eased

We find redemption in crashing movement

And in the peacefulness we hear God’s own reprieve

His voice resounding on the horizon as sunlight bounces upon the waves

As darkness deepens and thoughts find stillness

Our world is suddenly embraced in love and grace

And when we rise, we leave the chains that bound us

We move more closely with that powerful force

For nature demonstrates the power, the truth, the greatness

Of heaven’s king, the one eternal, mighty source.

For we're all different, all mixed together, but if we let Him mould and shape us to His will

He will be faithful, enrich and change us, if we will only find a moment to be still

And let creation speak, and hear the call to us

To be that new creation we are meant to be

Then we we'll be unafraid of waves that crash and break

For God is in control of earth and sky and sea

So take my hand oh God and let me ever move

In the direction that you mapped out from the start

take my whole being now, my soul, my thoughts, my goals

And nurture only what you've planted in my heart.

Will you come stand with me and hear creations call

Will you throw off the things that hinder and ensnare

And like the pebbles, we will move as He directs

Upheld, supported always by His loving care.

Karen Holmes

July 31st 2013

The Real Me

Some years ago I wrote a poem called "The Real Me" and felt at the time that I'd written it for somebody else.  I now believe it was also about me.  My few days in Brighton reminded me of it and I have now written an updated version.  Here is the original

Take me to the city, lose me in the crowd
Silence my emotions with music played too loud
Numb my pain with one more drink for no one knows me here
Another stranger smiling with artificial cheer

Help me put my mask on, hold it firm in place
There's too much vulnerability displayed upon my face
I'll say my lines and play my part
To hide the pain within my heart

Let me act on life's great stage
Play pantomime until old age 
And one day I might dare review
My days, my years, my whole life span
Will you then tell me who I am?
Or who I was, once used to be
Before I lost the real me.



And here is the one I wrote last night

Take me to the city, introduce me to the crowd
When emotions surface, we'll share stories and be proud
Pain is eased and somehow truth is visible and clear
Together we are stronger and our smile is more sincere

Help me take my mask off, give me no hiding place
Permission has been granted for me to show my face
The laughter and the tension, the longings of my heart
Are valid and acceptable, my journey to impart.

Let me dance on life's great stage
Enjoy my role until old age
And when I take my final bow
And credits roll for one last time
Let it be my life I have lived
And may my legacy then be
that I embraced the real me.

Karen Holmes 
24th July 2013